We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We talked him into tasing himself.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
