Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
