when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
