you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
