Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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