I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
