I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
