five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
