Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
