I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Mom said you looked used
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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