Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
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sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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