I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
