Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
