I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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