He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize