Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
