Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
