Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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