As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
