It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
