would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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