I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
