i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
