i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
