Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
