They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
