I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
