He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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