the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
