Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
