Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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