From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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