Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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