No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
