u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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