you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
