Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
