Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
