you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
