I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
