Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
