I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
