then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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