if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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