I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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