Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize