I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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