New low: just hacked my moms facebook
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
