Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
