Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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