I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
