my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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