Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
