I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
