Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
