just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
