I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
