I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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