I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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