he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
